Rise of the Plastic Professors

I found an interesting article from a few years ago on the Beeb the other day. Back in 2004 Professor Dame Nancy Rothwell, now President at Manchester, lamented the number of people being promoted to professor.

"I am worried about the potential decline in what being a professor means"

At that time an astonishing 9.7% of academics held the title of professor. Richard Wilson from Loughborough asserted that many promotions were nothing but rewards "for being instruments of the university's administration".

Yet the rising number of professors has a more tangible impact than simply devaluing the title. Professors earn a lot of money. In theory they bring in a lot too, but if these people are promoted due to longevity and not because they are good at what they do, of course this is unlikely to be the case. Actually all these plastic professors do is increase the average wage, not to mention probably demanding a bigger office, a PA, and that all the doors in the department be widened to fit their big heads through... it all costs money we don't have.

Owing to tenure it is hard to remove academics who don't perform, but here we are doing something worse - promoting them simply for not being sackably bad. It's not a promotion for good work, it's a promotion for not being atrocious or feeling up the students.

I need an incentive

Speak to professors about this and they come out with some bizarre nonsense, like the need for an incentive to get people to work. Is that enormous salary, freedom to pursue your research and a job for life not enough?

"I don't get out of bed in the morning for less than $10,000 a day"

Of course, if promotions were only given on merit most professors would still be way down the pecking order and the incentive would remain intact.

I am a martyr

The other nonsense some come out with is "if I went to industry they'd pay me more". For some professors this might be true, but not most. Good ones can demonstrate that industry wants them by working as a consultant - universities are keen on that these days - or consistently bringing in industry money. Then a professorship and a pay rise is fair enough. If a professor can't attract consultancy work, it's highly unlikely industry wants to pay them £100K a year.

Now I don't say that good professors should not be rewarded, but that, as Nancy Rothwell said...

"It should be an absolute judgment about internationally recognised research supported by international referees."

It's about time we called their bluff. If they will only work for more money, or believe (but cannot demonstrate) they'd have it better elsewhere, then they should be given a pat on the back and shown the door. There are thousands of extremely good researchers who would love the chance to replace them just as a regular, lowly lecturer*.

Otherwise these plastic professors should shut up, stop being so precious, and be thankful they aren't still stuck on the postdoctoral career rollercoaster, or worse, or much much worse.

*Which we could have more of for the same money.